Worth it

I'm often asked by others how I can handle caring for sick kids-especially kids with cancer.  Isn't it depressing? Doesn't it just break your heart? My response is always the same- but yet it doesn't do it justice. I don't know how to explain it- it is sad, but it is so rewarding. It's a strange thing- mourning part of their childhood that is stolen from them, their lives forever changed.  But yet witnessing such strength and hope that only comes from facing true adversity.  While we are often weighed down by the realization that cancer will steal several of our kids, everyday is filled with hope and rejoicing in the small victories. One mom who always amazes me responded  the other day when her little girl was screaming in pain "It's OK, baby- that just means the tumor is getting pissed off that the chemo is killing it. Yay chemo! Keep killing that tumor!" Amazing.
How do you explain the tenacity and strength of the teenage girl who has lost all her hair, can't hang out with her friends, but when she's woken up every two hours during the night to pee so that the chemo doesn't become toxic in her bladder, she still manages to smile and say thank you. Who does that?! 
Or the toddler who will be coloring pictures one minute and  throwing up the next because of the chemo, but doesn't get upset, just asks her mom to take the bucket away so she can keep coloring. I guarantee no adult  would react that way. I know I wouldn't. 
 How do you explain the random dance parties, the way your heart melts when you change your toddlers diaper at 2 in the morning and he starts talking to you, asking about Elmo, the beeping IV pump,and wants to play with you. You can't help but talk to him and love on him even though his mom would much rather you just ignore him at 2 in the morning because once he's up, he won't fall back asleep for a while.
 How do you explain the kind heart of the girl who stays up past midnight to finish coloring the strawberry shortcake picture for another sick girl that she's never even met, but heard was turning 5  and wanted to brighten her day since she was in the hospital on her birthday.
 How do you explain the sheer joy on their faces when you give them their last round of chemo and let them know that they kicked cancer's butt? It is truly amazing. And I am so honored. 

Yes, I wish childhood cancer didn't exist. Yes, I wish every child could have a healthy, fun, worry free childhood, but since there still is cancer and brokenness in the world, I want to be there in the bad times to help bring joy and hope in any way I can. And that's why my job is so worth it.


*If you want to help support research for childhood cancer, I will be walking in September to raise money for  research-email me if you're interested in donating =)