Oh, the stress

This past month at work has been a doozy. I haven't been this physically, emotionally and mentally stressed like.....ever. =) I knew when I took my job out here that I would be working with kids with cancer and at one point, I thought that was where I wanted to practice forever. Now that I am working with them, I'm thinking that is not where my gift is. These kids are so sick and there is so much pressure to do everything right. Things are constantly changing with them and you have to have alot of knowledge to take care of them well. I don't feel like I've been trained well and dread going to work every night. I cry at least before, during or after every shift when I have these kids because it is so much work. My poor parents and Erin have gotten to witness that quite a bit =). And the worst part is that I feel like I can't even take the time to mourn with their parents that their child has cancer because I'm so focused on, OK what time is their chemo? Do they need a blood transfusion? What is that rash? Why are they spiking a fever? And on and on it goes. 

I often wonder why I chose a profession in which I'm responsible for children's lives. It's too much. But then I have a random good night, where a family tells me how grateful they are that I was their nurse. Or a family asks for me to be one of their primary nurses. Or I get a little one to smile and talk to me after screaming at all the medical staff for the past two days. Or I get to snuggle a newborn all night and pray over their family situation. That's when it's rewarding, because you rarely see those things in the adult world. Kids open your eyes to a brand new perspective on life. Live it fully. Look for the good. And play!
I know God has me in this job for a reason. Every night I pray that He gives me the wisdom and knowledge to be a phenomenal nurse that never messes up (ok, so that's impossible =) but most of all, that He will shine through me. That families going through crises will see that Jesus can give them hope. One of my favorite verses right now comes from Isaiah when he is talking about the new heaven and earth. "Never again will there be an infant in it who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years." Isaiah 65:20a. I can't wait for that day to come.