I choose to believe

 (Sorry ya'll, no pictures in this post....it's another reflective, journal type post...come back next week for pics from our Ugly Sweater Christmas Party ;)

 "What a man desires is unfailing love......" Prov 19:22

I've been told my whole life that I am loved. I'm loved by my parents. I'm loved by my siblings (OK, so maybe my brother took a little longer to actually say it....like 24 years, but that's besides the point ;). I'm loved by my grandparents. I'm loved by my friends. I'm loved by my niece and nephews. I'm loved by God. But yet, I have such a hard time accepting God's love. The God who made me. The God who knows my every thought and action, even before I do it. The God who sent His only Son as a sacrifice to save my sorry self from hell. That's intense. No one on this earth can love me like that.
So why can't I get that through my head and be satisfied in the love that God constantly pours on me? I am constantly searching for something more. At this point in my life, "more" is in a boyfriend. Over the years, I've been convinced that if I just have a guy who is interested in me and loves me, I'll be satisfied. Now, I know this is so not true, but I've given in to Satan's lies for so long now, that a monster has been created. I'm doing a Bible study right now by Beth Moore called "Breaking Free", and it has helped open my eyes to my unbelief and lack of trust in God's love and the sin of looking in other places for love.
The most powerful day addressed how not believing God's love can actually be a sin. What?! Talk about a whole 'nother perspective, but it actually makes sense. God shows me and tells me He loves all the time, but yet I choose to look in other places and people to fulfill my desire for love. What a slap in the face to God. "Um hey God, yah I know you created me and that you love me no matter what...you acutally gave up your Son for me, but hey, I'm not quite satisfied, so I'm going to try to look for more fulfillment in (fill in the blank)". Ugh, that just makes me so sad and embarrassed. I want to be satisfied with God's love. I don't want to want the things or people of this world, because they will never fulfill my ultimate desire: unfailing love. So God, I choose to believe in your love for me. Forgive me for my unbelief and let this be my daily prayer "Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love, that I may sing for joy and be glad all my days"  Ps 90:14.